for the way they can’t stop shaking
even after all these years of practice.
for the days you don’t even want to try."
i love cats so much every time i see a cat anywhere i try to get it to come to me and i point out every cat i see while i’m in a car and i talk about my cat all the time and think about other people cats i love cats
I thought I was doing well, at least I was not as sad as I used to be. But then something bad happened and this thought came along. how I’m not okay, but just holding on. and that soon I’ll loose the grip of this robe and I will fall. I taught myself not to take thoughts too serious, for they are just thoughts, so it took me 3 weeks before I realised it was serious this time. Slowly my energy and motivation levels dropped to a point where I couldn’t even care about the fact I’m not taking care of myself. Strange thing was that I saw what was happening, but I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want to take the shower. putting on makeup became a really heavy task, both physically and mentally. I didn’t do the laundry, the dishes, I ate very unhealthy because I couldn’t leave the house to buy groceries. I felt stuck. this was one of the first signals that I was going a little bit crazy. I picked a lot, out of anxiety, stress and frustration. I felt hopeless and powerless. I really did not know what to do. I tore out a lot of hair from my head.. just because this all overwhelmed me (nb: I don’t have trich). I haven’t felt this bad in ages, and I was convinced that I’d never go back. but here I am, feeling like a complete idiot, and my face is just as bad as it was 5 years ago. So nothing has changed, maybe it has only gotten worse. More scars, less hope.